One situation, the options available
You do not have to complete every step. You can skip a question, not answer now, return later or stop at “I do not know yet”. The fictional scenarios are not a ranking of courage. You can rewrite, reject or skip them.
Read and work on your own paper or in your own editor. There is no online answer form. You do not need to use names.
1–2. Describe the situation and check what is possible
Choose one concrete moment: what did someone say, do or ask for? For example: your sister asks you to look after her child all Saturday.
Before drafting a response, consider financial, housing, caring or workplace dependencies. If the possible consequences are unclear, you can gather information, ask for time or seek support first.
- What happened, and what response is expected of me?
- Can I safely refuse or suggest a change?
- What dependencies or commitments limit my options?
- What do I need before responding: time, information or support?
3–4. Define the scope and direction of your response
Partial help is only an option if you really want to and can offer it. You do not owe it in exchange for refusing.
Possible directions: I need time; I decline; I agree to a limited amount; I ask for a change; I revisit an earlier yes; I end the exchange; I am not answering yet. You can write your own direction. This is a writing aid, not a test.
- In this situation, I want…
- I am unwilling or unable to…
- I can agree to…
- Before answering, I need…
5. Use your own words
There is no single correct formula. A short reason is optional; you do not have to reveal private details. If possible, read the sentence aloud and make it sound like something you would say.
- What does the other person need to understand?
- Is the scope clear?
- Am I promising more than I can do?
- Which words do not sound like me and need changing?
6–7. If useful, prepare a follow-up and keep the result
You can anticipate pressure and a short response: repeat, clarify or end the exchange, if possible. Separate a request for the other person to change from an action you can actually take yourself. The action field can stay blank.
Underline one useful sentence. Put the sheet away, return later or keep it to yourself. Having the conversation is not a required final step.
- Optional: what might I hear, and how could I respond?
- If my request is not accepted, what action is realistically available to me?
- Afterwards, if useful: what happened, what will I keep, and what will I change?
Scenario: a family weekend — I need time
Your family wants an answer today about the whole weekend, but your plans are not settled.
Possible responses: “I will check our plans. I will answer tomorrow evening”. “I cannot confirm the whole weekend now”. “If you need a decision today, do not include us in the booking”.
To “What is there to check?”: “I do not want to confirm now. I will let you know tomorrow”. Only give a deadline you can meet. You do not have to imply a later yes.
- How can I ask for time without suggesting that I will definitely agree later?
Scenario: lending your car — I decline
A friend wants to borrow your car for a trip. You do not want to lend it.
Possible responses: “I will not lend the car for this trip”. “I do not want to lend my car”. “I understand that it would make the trip easier. I am not agreeing to it”.
To “Do you not trust me?”: “I do not want to lend the car. My answer has not changed”. You do not have to offer another favour. Only share a real reason that you want to disclose.
- How can I decline without inventing an excuse?
Scenario: a long call — I limit the scope
Someone close wants to call. You expect a long conversation and feel tired.
Possible responses: “I can talk for fifteen minutes today”. “I do not have the capacity to talk today. I can tomorrow after six”. “I cannot talk today”.
When time is up, to “Just one more thing…”: “I need to finish for today”. Offer only a realistic limit. This is an everyday call, not an immediate threat to life.
- Do I want to offer a time limit, another time, or decline today?
Scenario: comments at the table — I ask for a change
Someone comments on your food and you want them to stop.
Possible responses: “Please do not comment on how much I eat”. “I want to talk about something else”. “I do not want to discuss my food”.
To “It is only a joke”: “I hear you. Please stop”. Separate the request from any action you could take if the comments continue. You do not have to prove that the comment was inappropriate.
- What will I ask for? What can I actually do if the request is not accepted? The second field can stay blank.
Scenario: helping with a move — I revise an earlier yes
You agreed to help all day, but can now only help in the morning or need to withdraw.
Possible responses: “I agreed too quickly. I can help from nine to eleven, not all day”. “I need to withdraw my agreement. I know that changes your plan, so I am telling you straight away”.
To “I was counting on you”: “I know. But I cannot confirm the whole day”. You can acknowledge the inconvenience without making up for it at any cost. This is an everyday agreement, not an assessment of legal obligations.
- What has changed? What can I honestly confirm now?
Scenario: an extra task at work — I account for dependency
Your manager adds a task due today, but your day is already full.
Possible responses: “I have X and Y today. If I start Z, I will not finish Y. Which comes first?” “We need to agree a new deadline for Y if Z has to be ready today”. “I will check the scope and come back with what I can finish”.
To “Everything is urgent”: “At the current scope, I will not finish all three today. I need an order of priority”. Describe the workload and ask about priorities. If you fear serious consequences, the worksheet may only help you understand the situation. It does not determine employment rights.
- What information do I need first? What amount of work is possible?
Completed example: two hours on Saturday
My sister asks me to look after her child all Saturday. I expect disappointment, but do not fear for my safety. I want to keep the afternoon for myself and can help from nine to eleven.
My response: “I can do nine to eleven. I cannot look after the child for the rest of the day”. To “Two hours will not help me”: “I understand that you need more time. I can offer those two hours”.
I will send a message today. If my sister accepts, I will confirm collection at eleven. If not, I will not confirm childcare. My worksheet does not organise her entire day.
Limitations and files
This material does not diagnose intentions or relationships. Not every difficulty is a matter of phrasing: dependencies, obligations and material circumstances can restrict your options. Refusal is not always the best available option.
Someone’s disappointment is different from danger, but the guide cannot assess violence or retaliation. Calm words do not guarantee safety; you are not responsible for someone else’s aggression. Danger and legal, workplace or caring disputes may require appropriate support.
Keep the guide and worksheet together: the worksheet refers to the full limitations in the guide. Print the worksheet on A4 at 100%; black and white is suitable. It has no editable fields. Check access to your notes, cloud storage and shared devices.
What has been checked
It has not been tested with readers or through physical printing and handwriting. We do not claim a complete accessibility audit or PDF/UA conformity. File and preview checks do not replace those tests.